Why the secrecy?

I have one question that bugs me more than anything. What do I really look like? Oh, don't get me wrong, I know I look like me, but we live in a world of comparisons and benchmarks. It's also a world of lies, spins, deletions, obscurities and omissions. A woman's weight definitely falls into that category. It's considered more appropriate to ask someone their salary than it is to ask a woman her weight. These numbers are guarded like state secrets, and I'm really wondering why. I've been diet blogging for over a year now, and have still never directly mentioned exactly how much I weigh. It took me nearly a year before I could 'fess up to having weighed over 300 pounds.

Regardless of what size I wear or the inches I measure on a tape, I have no clue how that compares to other women. I've always felt like the largest woman in whatever room I was in, no matter what I weighed. I drive my family crazy by asking, "Am I about her size?" I'm never right. With my weight loss, I can't even eyeball clothing and guess that it would fit. My initial choices in clothing are always too large, and I always pick women who are a little smaller. Fearful/wishful thinking? I don't know.

So, what's the big deal? There's no denying I'm fat. Will people think I'm a much worse person if they know the number that goes with the fat than they do if they guess? Am I just moderately repugnant at say 190? a little disgusting at 225? gross at 250? katie bar the door obscene and a threat to our values at 300? or am I the same smart, sweet, funny, thoughtful, provocative, open minded, over the hill southern belle you've come to know and love? (See, I have done some work on that self esteem thing!)

So, when I came across this challenge, it floored me. People, this takes courage! Heck, I've never even had the guts to put out a full body pic in nearly four years of blogging. Looking at the results of her straw poll guessing game was even more interesting. I'm not the only one who has no clue what size people are!

So, I'm inspired, and I'm tired of hiding. I'm Cynthia. I'm 47 years old, 5'8", I weigh 259.6 and wear a size 24. I think I look pretty damn good.