The weekly weight in, week 48

The craziness of this week meant that I needed to go to Weight Watchers today. It's also meant that my normal sleeplessness has kicked up a few notches to nearly killer insomnia. I've been averaging about one solid hour a night and those scary minutes when you wake with a jerk because you're asleep when and where you shouldn't be. I was literally too tired to drive this morning. I would have been a danger on the road, so I missed my meeting.

I didn't miss stepping on my scales though I sincerely wish I had. With the little ups and downs I've had over the last few weeks, I buckled down this week. The womanchild has once again given up meat after an experiment of several months of eating meat again. That's meant I've buckled down and really cooked. Our kitchen has been filled with rice, beans, fruits, greens. She hasn't wanted any of it. I ate what looked like the healthiest week of eating I've had in a long time. I didn't plan enough fun stuff in the menu this week. It was all too earnest, serious and good for you. I need sexy, silly, fun for you food as well. I did feel deprived this week for the first time since I started this diet. It was my fault for poor planning.

The kicker is that after a week that felt like punishment, I gained 7.2 pounds. ARRGH! How the fuck does that happen? I've done this before. I know it happens. I've upped and downed my way through losing this weight. I know this was the lag week between my prescription refills and missing a few days of blood pressure and diuretic medicine always means a little gain.

Reason number two: It's been 65 hours since I had a cigarette. Other than baby carrots and cucumber slices, I haven't binged, but I know that stopping smoking causes temporary changes in my body. Yes, I feel like I could go homocidal maniac if pushed the wrong direction. I've got all the intestinal distress, the headaches, the excess saliva that go with withdrawal. If I can believe the research, it's only another 7 hours before my body is no longer physically addicted. Then I just have to deal with the psychological effects of no longer having an activity that has filled a good chunk of the last 29 years of my life.

I've said all along that this is about getting healthy again, and it's time I made this commitment as well. Anyway, who can afford to smoke anymore? I'm going to use that money for travel next year.

This gain has been driving me crazier than it should, and I do think I know why. I'm getting close to the first anniversary of this diet. One. Whole. Year. As far as my health, it's been the best year I've had in a long time, but I still feel like I should be closer to a 100 pound loss. That's been lurking pretty deep in my mind since I realized that I actually could do this thing with changing habits and re-educating myself. "In one year, I'll be a hundred pounds lighter." It sounds good, doesn't it. It's still within the recommended range of -.5 to -2 pounds per week for healthy loss, and they're such nice round numbers -- 100 pounds in one year. Well, it's not going to happen. There's no way I can safely lose that much weight in the next four weeks, but I am losing at a good healthy rate, and I need to be proud of what I've done. I am proud of what I've done.

I've planned my menu for the week. It's got more chocolate and less brown rice, a few more (baked) onion rings and a few less greens. It does have a whole lot of tomatoes, pluots, bananas, cucumbers, blueberries, red peppers and more watermelon granitas. (I've got coffee granitas freezing now.) I'm going to eat well this week. I'm going to take my medicine. I'm going to do whatever it takes to get enough sleep. That will screw up your metabolism worse than no exercise. I'm going to remind myself that the numbers and timelines are artificial goals and that what matters is not what my scale says but how I live. Yeah, I can do that.

Weekly summary: Weekly change, gained 7.2 pounds. Total loss, 69.6 pounds. Average weekly loss, 1.48 pounds.

health and wellness, diets, Weight Watchers, weight loss